Think of the grossest thing in your house...

Then think of your child in love with it.

So in love, that it pains him to be apart from it.  To not hold it, while seeing it, would make no cry loud enough to prove his love.  He is in love with it passionately.   Loves to kiss it.  Loves to french kiss it, but he's not even one, so it's really lots of licking.  Guess that this new object of Mark's affection it?

 

(insert cries of disgust, shudder, and gagging)

Tonight, I heard Mark giggling in my bathroom.  I never saw him enter.  Just moments before I was talking with Alex, when Alex knocked over the baby gate in my bedroom door.  This ghost entered, going right for his target.  Mark found it, and couldn't resist making a happy noise.  At last, he was reunited with the object of his desire.  Since his noise gave him away, he knew it wouldn't last long.

(sorry, no picture here because I just couldn't stand to grab the camera while he joyfully licked it.  But this is another happy place for him, nakie on the doctor's scale!)

Yes, his mother took it away, Again.  Mark fought hard.  He looked right past his beloved camera, and made begging eyes into mine.  Then he plopped down and cried a deep, mournful cry.  Then he would get up and try again, tears rolling down his cheeks.

But Mom just held on to his new "lovey" and won't let it go.  So Mark continued to cry.  No matter where Rachel went, Mark followed with the fast feet of a lover. 

One last cry, one last outreached hand is all he got.  I'm going to buy a new toilet cleaner, that is more white than my teeth.   And I'm going to put it up high.  Even if I have to nail a bucket to my bathroom wall, it will be up high.

UGH!  Shudder!  This will definitely be good blackmail when Mark's teenage hormones turn on too high.   One photo to a dear girlfriend, and he might never get kissed again!

So, please do tell, what is the most gross thing your kid "loved" or even put in their mouth?

Our night Janitor (he's really cheap!)

T' was the night before school, and all thru the house,

Not a child was stirring, except for the baby.  

He's the janitor.  He works nights.

"Boy, my siblings sure do leave a mess!"

 

"Sweeping over here..."

"Sweeping over there...."

"What Mom?  I missed a spot?"

  

"I'll get it!"

"I don't see why Alex and Emily complain about this chore, it's the most fun I've had all day!" 

Story by Emily Richins

Bar of soap: I hate thee

Oh bar of soap,
I hate thee so!

When thee were new, thou was a gift.
I turned thirty and relished in your magnolia scent.

When our Thanksgiving guests came, I offered them
The fresh, unopened bar that was you.

Then you sat in the shower head basket.
An entire fortnight.

Were you lonely?
Didn't you enjoy watching the kids play in the bath?
Wasn't it fun when the girls drank hot chocolate in there?

But tonight, oh bar of soap, I hate thee.

I found three of my four children covered in thee.
The oldest two had washed off the slickness off their hands
Yet the smell remained. Not-so-sweet-now Magnolia.

Katie's arm was covered to her armpit with you.
I thought I was done after rinsing the sink handles
Seven times seven.
I thought that wiping the mounds of soap with a dry cloth would be enough

But naughty soap, you have deceived me.
I came back a fort-hour later and found you
Covering the outside handle of the bathroom door

But lo, that was not enough for thee.
Also on the bathroom door and and inside handle
I wiped the scum of you, off my dwelling.

Now, you reside in my bathroom.
But be warned bar of soap
If thee causes me a rash
Or if thee spreads soap again
Hence the trashcan will be thy home.

Bar of soap.
I hate thee.