Happy and sad lists AKA need an outlet since I quit facebook

 

 

Things making me sad

 

☹ misophobia ☹ Facebook. ☹ the state of politics ☹ the gaps in the education system from pay gaps to learning gaps ☹ muscle spasms!!!! Why won't, they let go?. ☹ helping a kid with a concussion, new territory for us . ☹ food allergies, picky eaters, eating disorders. ☹ sugar Cravings why cant pie and ice cream everyday make me healthy.  ☹ kids needing help with school work, but refusing to take it. ☹ guilty feelings and guilty emails from Kate's orchestra teacher. ☹ fear of hurting. fear of pain coming back.  Fear of injury. fear of todays pain getting worse and worse and worse tomorrow. fear of not coping anymore, ☹ fitting ABA therapy into our lives happy, even just needing ABA therapy☹ second guessing myself: did i pick the right providers, am i  picking the best time spent on the best resources to help us get through this tough time? ☹ making grocery list, meal  list, family calendar lists. Week after week.☹ doubt doubt doubt am making the right choices for myself for my kids. ☹ pain and fear of pain. ☹ all the wasted fights and time before we figured out Mark doesn't hate reading…he hates fictional stories, but loves science. ☹

. ☹ so much hurt and pain and suffering all over the world and can't see how to help more than prayer. I am barely able to take care of my own family. ☹ feeling overwhelmed. Pain pushing me over the edge. ☹ feeling inadequate in resources time and energy and kindness to help take care in raise my children. ☹ guilt for letting little 12 year old Rachel down for not having the motherhood to experience that I had dreamed of enjoying. ☹ mental health ☹ standing next to kids with mental health issues that cannot disappear with a hug or a pill or advice ☹ feeling helpless as relationships around me fall apart. ☹ can't let go of guilt from the past and fear from the future ☹ extended family relationships that are negative or draining. ☹ picky eaters ☹ calorie counting to fatten up Mark ☹ bad blood work. ☹ taking kids to their blood drawn ☹ protein counting and getting kids to eat it. ☹ sleep apnea ☹ jealousy… Why did they start making cute women CPAP machines after I got mine? ☹ not having time to properly edit  this because it's time to get up and start  Round 2 of breakfast

 

what's making me happy:

 

🙂my family 🙂 my warm sweater and rainbow scarf from my sister 🙂 humor esspecially unicorn related humor

🙂 writing the post and voice recognition software to make it possible to create this While I lay on a hot pack 🙂 my boys, especially when they snuggle. 🙂 Marks adorable slippers 6, Pack Abs and a Cape is awesome on slippers. 🙂 Hamilton, the Musical. 🙂 Kate, sharing my obsession with Hamilton, the musical and also obsession with finding YouTube and podcasts all about it. 🙂 reconnecting with my sisters. 🙂 friendships that just got stronger as everyone helped me when I couldn't drive. It really is awesome, how instead of wearing people out. When I needed help. The most it just made us closer. 🙂 Kates long hair. 🙂 sisters, especially when they're happy together 🙂 Emily's new obsession of taking care of Kates hair 🙂 and Alex is his when it was long. 🙂 dinner and a movie date with grant Saturday. 🙂 the high school being super understanding and helpful with Emily. 🙂 swim team and rock climbing that makes Alex so happy and busy and happy. 🙂 Skype, so I can still talk to my parents easily. Add my dad waking up early and my mom being a night owl. So it's easy to get them despite the time difference in Prague 🙂. Noise cancelling headphones, plates with dividers, cardboard cubbies 🙂 finally finding AR books that Mark likes, since he needs to do ar tests for his grades.  ☹ restaurants that do gluten free. 3 years now, no cheating🙂 Chick Fil, A with there safe French fries and peppermint chocolate chip milkshake. 🙂 Grant finding a team at work to change to that, he loves that he comes home happy and that he enjoys working again 🙂 Emily's recovery and wonderful relationship with her therapists.🙂 school orchestra, Kate Viola, and band, Alex still French horn. 🙂 neighbors and carpools that are helpful and lovely 🙂 being well enough to drive for a large part of carpool. 🙂 driving walking shopping  driving. I can do everything I don't need friends. Driving me or wheelchairs to get around🙂 my back healing on its on its no surgery🙂 friends who drove me around for months, so that my back heel and I could use pain relief medications 🙂 being able to be a full time Mom after having to depend on grants to be mom, and Dad and the kids to do extra work well I recovered. 🙂 feeling safe in my neighborhood in my city in my home. 🙂 extended family relationships that are awesome.  🙂 being understood and valued. 🙂Avazzia 🙂 hugs and back rubs 🙂 our great Christmas 🙂 a great team that supports our health.  We really have found a wonderful set of health care providers and people to make a big difference in our lives and take away the helpless lonely feelings. 🙂 Emilys pretty cpap Machine and the new design "dreamwear" masks. 🙂. French toast soaked in eggs and eggs fried eggs with bacon olives marks trusted foods that he will eat 🙂 hope.  hope in our current paths and in our treatments and our future improvement 🙂 getting to write and edit as much as I did between seminary round of breakfast and school little kids round of breakfast. 🙂 hot pads and Advil.