Does taking my positive focus posters off my wall mean...

That a child pulled the poster off and cut their head?

That grant thinks my scars are healed enough and he wants his clean white bedroom wall back.

That I have picture frames to out up Still not done with the hanging part of my big project.

Or I'm ready to move on in this stage of my grief and don't want to see signs of my illness (anymore than have to.)

So, which do you think it is?
1,2,3 or 4?


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6words chores

Dead bees remind to bury 2009


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6 words of Mark

Cut hair takes the baby away.



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6 word story physical therapy

Cold pool! Still worth it? Maybe.



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6 word story about Kate

Vomit! Never, please, in the night.


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6 words

How fast she will fit it.

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6 words

Trouble. Too soon he learns it.

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6 words

New glasses. Makes nerds feel hot.

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Monkey urine

Is what I thought this box said. Do you see how?
lol

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If you see me out walking, don't think I'm fine...

...because I'm not.

I'm working to make my muscles strong enough to compensate for the floppy tendons which are causing me pain. Another side effect of low collegen. The doctors are hopeful that this painful work will lead to less painful days ahead. I must have a bit of hope left in me, because I am walking. When I think about it, these days(years) I'm never lonely, because I have pain as my walking buddy.

If you see me walking and wearing nice clothes, don't say, "you look good (and/or) you must be feeling better"

I'm not.

Screw looking good. If I am wearing nice clothes, really the only assumption you should make is that I put on nice clothes that day. One thing that isn't broken is my desire to be pretty. My clothing choices are independent of my health. I really love some of my new clothes. Except for the necessary old lady pants, with the damn elastic waist bands. Old lady or toddler pants, they are equally degrading. So looking good one day is not a sign of no pain. Looking worse, however, is a sign of more pain.

Pain I write this as I walk. In the rain. The rain is getting heavy, but I'm now getting hot under this hood. ...ah! I look up to stretch my neck and my face covered in rain. Feels like tears. Which reminds me of how hard I cried for over a month after my last surgery. Stina, have I told you thanks yet this week? Thanks for borrowing 2 cars, and driving all night from Utah (12 hours) to be by my side. After that time after number 5. I really thought I would never make it through.

But I digress again, please don't ask me how I'm feeling or if I'm fine, because I don't have an answer. The thoughts are big and it take much energy to give the interviewer a question that will satisfy. If I give a positive one, I worry that it gives the idea that missed times of past kindness are okay, because I'm turned out fine. If I give a negative answer, I later feel judged as a complaining whiner.

So can you ask how I am? The best answer I can give is I'll bring it up if I want to talk about it.

I really don't want to appear rude. But it hurts me to be asked and to figure out what you really mean. Hello, or a recap of the week.

So if you see me walking around, don't ask THE question, and it really is meant as a question, "you must be feeling good".

Instead say, "it's good to are you walking".

I know the answer to that one.

THANKS




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Pool therapy part 1, right photo

For my sisters, this is what my coat looks like on a hanger.

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Pool therapy, part2

Next I prep the shower. A plastic shopping bag holds them when damp. With pool twice a week, I just don't have it in me to shower at home. This warm, spotless shower encourages bathing and shaving With its high bench, I can actually touch my calves without ripping my leg off..

I have happy thoughts tied to this room. After the pool I usually feel so alive, with my pain held back from the waters healing powers.

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pool physical therapy, step 1

Take off socks and shoes.
Leave shoes under the bench.
Puts socks up on the shelf, because it hurts too much to get them later.
Feel odd that they are separated, like divorced parents.
tuck previously selected gossip magazine next to socks.

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Floating annual winter team party

Beautiful, glittering. Both the dresses and the dessert.

Formerly known as the office Christmas party, this boat ride of music and dinner for 100 was quite glamorous. The real gold that dusted half the deserts was the most decadent thing I ever ate.

With some extras on the plates as we went ashore, I tucked two lemon sponge cakes and one chocolate mouse tart into my purse. can't wait to see the reaction from the kids.

After 9 am church


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Dropped while we shopped

Nordstrum evening gowns are like eye sex. All I left with was clogs that fit orthodics.

didn't find the gift I came for. can't say what because birthday boy Grant reads this. Did find christmas gifts and decor 75% off at pennys. Did find amy b's bday gift.

And I didn't die of pain

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Love my engrish

Can you see size of this? This hospital shampoo packet fits in my palm. It's made in china I looked on Just like its people, big things for them are small over here.

Case in point, the back of this
34 oz shampoo packet says

34 oz.

This is perfect for getting thru security while still washing all the hair of your family of 12.

Look on my funny tabs to find to funny foreign engrish. It will take you take you to engrish mistakes
found around the world.




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Doctors, doctors, can’t I be well?

I’ve been more quiet that normal about my health.  I’m not sharing details anymore, since it makes me too vulnerable to painful comments.   My quiet does not mean I’m better.

Words I’ve heard this past months that I am or am not the subject of:

Do your Kegels

Intense cluster migraines (new record, 12 days!)

Edema and Tendinitis  in the butt (“gluteus medius musculotedninous unit*”) = Ultrasound machine on the butt. That’s just swell!  *hehe, the best info I found was on a senior health website!  Proof that I really am 60!)

Torn Labrum of the hip?  Not from sports, but from horrible position of my leg/knee in labor.  It should not be held up to your ear.

“I don’t have any suspicion that you have Lupus, since so far your blood works shows none of the many markers for it.”

“Are you doing you kegels?”

“Of the 7 forms of Celiacs Disease, only one is gut related”

Miyofascia massage (and or deep tissue) should be call pinching skin torture

“I want you to see me twice a week.”

“….with the needle giving a injection directly into the hip joint (for 90% MRI accuracy in seeing tears)”     ***Happy New Years Eve!***

“Mild fraying (type 1 tear) of the anterior labrum”

“Time doesn’t heal all wounds.  Time allows for processes”   -Jon Burner

Functional Thoracic outlet syndrome (TOS) (yes, it could have been worse, despite not being able to write more than three handwritten pages)

(had to share this super sexy photo that is one way to diagnose TOS. 

“I want you [to ALSO] see me twice a week.”

“…Painless Paralysis leading to exaggerated guarding, ask (yet another)doctor about Botox injections”

Clinical Hostility

“Make sure you do your kegels, and teach your teenage daughters to do it for their whole lives too.”

We’ll do lab work and follow up in a few weeks.

Looking up the real, current meanings of words is much more educational than leaning on your presumptions:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosis; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypomanic_episode;  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gossip; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostility; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypocondriac

I’m have signs of  addiction  to Lyrica (Pregabalin) more than any of my other pain killers.  Since that isn’t a narcotic, no one cares.  Other drugs on my list freak people out.  It sucks that there is only stigma related to narcotics.  

Looking back towards previous centuries: “Hyster wanders outside of the uterus = hysteria”  Something to ponder on.  This just proves how a woman in pain is to be counted: Worthless and “it’s all in her head”.  Luckily, I don’t have a single doctor who believes that.   Sadly, I’m one of few women who have supportive doctors.

 

For those of you still reading, you’re cool.

For those of you who clicked on a link or two,  you’re even cooler.

For those of you who realized that there is a difference between really crappy health and being afraid you might get crappy health, you get a gold star.

Now if you’ll excuse, I’ve got to do some kegels while I eat lunch.

 

 

(Dear Wikipedia,

I love you.  When I try to share the huge amount of info I have with friends, you are a great resource for the right info, condensed, without trying to sell me a supplement.  Thanks for being cool.  

Love, Rachel)

Practice for first school day of 2010

6:45am. Too early when all have woken at 8.30 all week. This is day three of alarm clocks, picking loud dancing music and waking the kids. Hmmm, hot apple juve might get is all out of our holiday schedule beds. Canly do got chocolate since alex threw up last night. A symptom of Fifths disease that emily started? Her rash makes her look like alex won after a whole body slap down.
Of course, having only slept two hours myself is going to make the day interesting. slap happy jokes make even the pain and good book, then racing thoughts seem funny.

Now its exactly 7 am. Time to get a cd started before I'm too late!

What are you going to do to survive the first school morning of 2010?

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