Joy and Labor Day Eggs

Happy Labor Day! 

I called my sister today, and said, "Happy Labor Day!  PUUUSSSH!  PUUUSSSH!  Now breath!”  haha, I'm so glad that I won't have to go thru labor again.  But I do hope that I get to be there to help a daughter.   

Speaking of Labor, I met with my surgeon.   It’s been 6 weeks since my Rectocele & other nasty junk surgery.  He thinks things are find.  He didn’t even examine me.  He said answering questions gave him enough info.

He was surprised by how good I looked over all.  3 of my docs have now said they've never seen me look so good.  This was all in the last week.  It was a shock.  I look fine again?  I look better?  I look….normal?   

 

I wish I could feel what they see!

How come I don’t feel or see what they see?

I'm still overwhelmed.  I feel like I've got 18 months of medical hell buried on top of me, and I'm having trouble mentally climbing past it.   It's hard to look healthy...it creates lots of pressure from others to be better now.    Pressure to act as whole as I look.   

I must say I'm not doing well with the pressure.  All I can do is cling to my testimony of the temple, of priesthood blessings...and the testimony that the bad times always pass  Sometimes they only pass to less bad time, but they do pass.   So I sit here, clinging, and waiting.   And feeling horribly broken.  Why can’t anyone  see that?

I've got a lot of waiting time.  Waiting feeling broken, waiting to feel whole again.  I blog.  I read blogs.  I read books.  Several a week.  Just finished one by the first American woman to climb Everest.  It really made me understand my brother.  His church is on a mountain top.  How great to have an activity that brings so much strength and joy to a person!

So what do you do for church?  Or for joy?