Showing posts with label postive attitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label postive attitude. Show all posts

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Think of the grossest thing in your house...

Then think of your child in love with it.IMG_4606

So in love, that it pains him to be apart from it.  To not hold it, while seeing it, would make no cry loud enough to prove his love.  He is in love with it passionately.   Loves to kiss it.  Loves to french kiss it, but he's not even one, so it's really lots of licking.  Guess that this new object of Mark's affection it?

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(insert cries of disgust, shudder, and gagging)

Tonight, I heard Mark giggling in my bathroom.  I never saw him enter.  Just moments before I was talking with Alex, when Alex knocked over the baby gate in my bedroom door.  This ghost entered, going right for his target.  Mark found it, and couldn't resist making a happy noise.  At last, he was reunited with the object of his desire.  Since his noise gave him away, he knew it wouldn't last long.

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(sorry, no picture here because I just couldn't stand to grab the camera while he joyfully licked it.  But this is another happy place for him, nakie on the doctor's scale!)

Yes, his mother took it away, Again.  Mark fought hard.  He looked right past his beloved camera, and made begging eyes into mine.  Then he plopped down and cried a deep, mournful cry.  Then he would get up and try again, tears rolling down his cheeks.

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But Mom just held on to his new "lovey" and won't let it go.  So Mark continued to cry.  No matter where Rachel went, Mark followed with the fast feet of a lover. 

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One last cry, one last outreached hand is all he got.  I'm going to buy a new toilet cleaner, that is more white than my teeth.   And I'm going to put it up high.  Even if I have to nail a bucket to my bathroom wall, it will be up high.

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UGH!  Shudder!  This will definitely be good blackmail when Mark's teenage hormones turn on too high.   One photo to a dear girlfriend, and he might never get kissed again!

So, please do tell, what is the most gross thing your kid "loved" or even put in their mouth?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Evidence that my 'clean' car was not.

I filled a whole bag of trash from our cleanest car.

Guess how many empty or refilled water bottles were in there? (Vote on the side)

I'm trying out this email blogging Right now I am waiting in the back seat of my car for an oil change. There is a 20 min wait till they can get my car in. I see another mom waiting with two kids inside. I'm glad I have kids of that age. I've brought them many times. I'm also glad I'm alone right now.

Oh- I love you Grant! Now your car is clean and clutter free. They even sprayed something nice!

--Rachel

Hmmm...not sure if I like Email blogging from the car. But now I know they put the photo first!

I did a lot today, and the day is not even over:

*Got the kids ready for the day ALONE!

*Drove to Seattle and got my final test results: I found out I have permanent nerve damage on my left S1 nerve root. It means I have pain in the side of my left foot. And I'll have it forever. Spine nerves never heal. (of course the alternative medicine person in me says, HA! That's not true!) Now I know what it is, and I'm sure of what it is not. So we move on from here. Still don't have any more info on the other half of my pain, the pelvic floor. (Sorry to my Dad and brothers who might read that, but I haven't found a pretty way to say it!)

*Drove to Bellevue to get my chart moved from one colon doc to another. Stupid HIPA with all the rules and all the paperwork needed!

*Drove to my favorite oil change place, Pennzoil, where my favorite guy was working. Now Grant's car has fresh oil, a vacuumed inside and NO WATER BOTTLES inside. At least, no water bottles inside until Rachel drives it again.

*Made a new friend! A mom of 4 who just moved from CA. I was thrilled to be able to write down some good parks and fun things to do. It made the time fly by!

*Wrote a blog entry. And posted it on the same day!

I'll answer you in 2011...

How are you doing?

Why are you lying down?

How are you feeling?

What are you up to?

Boy, I hear it all the time. From people who live in my house. To friends and neighbors. From people at church. And old friends from high school and college that I'm getting back in touch with on facebook.
How do I answer? Well, the last 18 months sucked. And were complicated by several different things

trouble getting pregnant
trouble staying pregnant
trouble keeping food down
trouble with gallbladder (+pain)
trouble with thombosed hemorrhoids (++pain) (TIM, I know, but the surgery to remove.... *shudder*
trouble with varicose veins (+pain)
trouble losing weight (they hate that when you are pregnant)
trouble starting labor (induced a week late)
trouble with the epidural (+++++pain)
trouble with back(+pain)
trouble with hormones
trouble with thyroid
trouble with gallbladder surgery(+pain)
trouble with fissure surgery(+++pain)
trouble with healing (++++pain)
trouble with back(++++pain)
trouble with back injections(++++pain)
trouble with back tests with injections (++++++++++++pain)
trouble with back surgery(+++pain)
trouble with continued foot pain (++++pain)
trouble with new, oversensitive foot (++++++++pain)
trouble with pelvic floor pain (++++++pain)
trouble with hormones, again
trouble with tooth (+pain)
trouble with root canal (++++++pain)
trouble with temporary crown (++++++pain)
trouble with test to diagnose the foot pain (+++++++++pain)

trouble trying to be a mom and wife and friend from bed.
trouble to keep my mind, my faith, my soul intact.


So when I pause when you ask, "how are you?"
It's not because I don't like the question. . It's because I just don't know how to answer. I'm glad to be asked, glad to be remembered. But, I'm not going to lie and say, " good". And I'm not going to fake optimism and say, "doing better." Mom, don't worry. I'm not always so negative. When I have a good day, I'm very happy and answer "I'm having a good day, and I'm happy for it".

I kind of like something that came to me when I was "facebook-ing" a high school friend....

How I'm feeling is a hard question to answer. It's complicated. I'm doing better than my worst, but haven't improved in a few months, and I'm far away from my best. And I'm trying to find a doctor or doctors who can tell me why and what I can do to get back to life. even if they just say, sorry, go to a pain management class. someday I'll post what all has happened, but it's to depressing to recount. Short answer: Baby #4 broke me.

Keep asking. Keep letting me know you are reading and praying for us. Keep being patient as I try to figure out how to answer the question. At least until 2011. That's going to be my great year. The year I'm healthy for 12 whole months. Or atleast the year my health doesn't stop me from living.

Friday, January 16, 2009

With all this knowledge, I should feel great! Ha, SHOULD!

I've been asked by one of my dozen new doctors to make a list of pain management things I've tried.  And I don't want to write it.  I want to sleep.  Or blog.  Yes, I want to blog!  So I'll blog my list :)  .... and I learned a new, cool pain scale.   Rate your pain, 1-10,   10 being doused with gasoline and lit on fire.   Finally, a pain scale I can relate to, that doesn't depend on my perception of pain!   (Thanks Dr. M!)

Rachel's list of pain management techniques; listed in the order of my brain remembering them. 

Type; Time period; what it helped; % of time it worked; downside

Relaxation therapy: tapes or scripts to relax body part by part; learned 1997,  still use;  I liked it.  It helps decrease any pain by some amount.  Works for mild to moderate pain, works on new pain, works on anxiety or mania;   Works 50% of the time for full relief. Downside:  have to clear my mind and believe in it, Pain increases if "tighten and then release, relaxing further" is used

Alpha waves: tapes for subliminal or sleep wave therapy; learned 1997, last used before 1999; Liked the calm music, but didn't find any noticeable changes with those tapes verses listening to other music.  Worked: 5% of the time.  Downside:  don't have a tape player anymore, and seemed silly

heat pack therapy; learned 1990's, still use; it can calm tight muscles, and bring down pain.  Great in the winter.  Great while I'm using it.   Works 85% of the time.  Downside:  should only use for 20 min/hour, pain comes back as soon as heat is removed.   Can't use anywhere.  Doesn't seem to touch the electric nerve pain in my foot.

ice pack therapy; learned 1990's, still use; great to calm inflammation or deep, aching pain.  Great in the summer.   Area feels great for around an hour afterwards.  Works: 95% of the time.  Downside:  should only be used for 20 min/hour.   Hard to keep with you.  Can cause more pain from tension of other muscles from being on the cold.  Doesn't seem to touch my foot pain.  

water workout; learned 2003, last used 2006;  works for non-inflamed back pain.  Need to slowly work up to reps, and some arm activities cause arm pain, so I don't do them.  Works: 5-75% of the time, depending on length of consecutive treatments.  Downside:I have to get to a pool or go to a class, and pricey.

Ultrasound; first tried 1996, last used 2008; Feels good during and after treatment.  Works: 99%.  Downside:  Need a PT to do it, need a babysitter to go to PT

Professional Massage: 1997-2008;  During the massage my pain is always better. Alone massage is enough to make pain tolerable, but doesn't usually make it disappear. Works:  99% Downside:  Sometimes I have increased pain the next day or two.  It's expensive.  Husband doesn't have the knowledge and patience to do himself at home.

bubble bath; learned 1978, still use; works for any muscle or nerve pain from the shoulders down;  Mild pain can be removed.  Moderate pain can be reduced.  Severe pain can only be reduced DURING the bath.  Works: 99%.  Downside:  not always convenient, neck pain can occur if used to long.

music therapy; learned 1995, still use; using music cues to change mood, lift energy, create sparks of hope; The right CD can get me dancing with my kids and melt my pain away, or remind me of my faith and bring God's peace.  With the perceived boost of  love from my family or God's peace, the pain is better;  Works: 5-35% Downside: I forget to do it when I need it, and my family has different music tastes than me. 

journal-ing; reinforced learned around 1998, still use;  By writing down my current feelings or situation and anxieties, I get two fold pain relief.  My anxiety is less, so my perceived pain is better.   I love writing, so time passes faster when I'm in a writing grove.   I have to be in the mood or get in the mood within a few paragraphs, or it will make my pain worse with the "should be" factor.  When I journal, I often discover more of my "shoulds".   I should be more of this or that.  A good mom should do this.  I should be feel this during that part of my life.  A good wife should do this.  My church thinks I should.... any of those sentences are my "shoulds".    Works: 40% Downside:  Have to be in the mood,  have to be able to position myself to write comfortably.

friend therapy; slowly learning, still use; If I call a friend who has been in similar situations and "lived to tell about it", I can feel better.  To have a friend acknowledge my pain is as real and as bad as I feel, it's priceless.  I can endure another day.  I can feel better about my situation.  I can lift the fog from my brain and be reminded to do what helps. Works 100% of the time.  Downside:  I have to call before my rational brain shuts down, or I won't call because I think no one would want to talk to me.

Lebed method exercise; learned 2006, last used 2008;  A gentle exercise program that was originally created for breast cancer patients during recovery.   I feel better while I'm doing it, and after.  It's enough to get my blood moving and give an endorphin rush, but not too much to cause rebound pain.  When I can go to the class, not just my DVD, I get so much more out of it.   Pain relief 50% Downside:  Does not work on acute pain; I haven't tried it since the back surgery since there are many back twisting, turning movements.  I also know the first time after 3 week or more break, I will have cold symptoms for a few days.   

To know more about this:  http://www.lebedmethod.com/

narcotic meds; used 1997 to current,  on and off; works great at reducing or eliminating pain quickly and for many hours.  Can reset my perceived pain scale when the meds wear off.  Works great for short term.  Works: 90%  Downside:  for daily long term use I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster.  I get more post-med neck pain from over exerting while the meds worked.   and body becomes dependant and/or tolerant of the meds.  Some pain doesn't respond to narcotics.   

prayer; learned 1978, still use; helps my mental attitude during painful episodes.  Mild pain can be ignored.  Works:  10% Downside:  Sharp or severe pain doesn't seem to be changed by prayer.   If I don't feel like praying, it doesn't change my pain

indoor tanning:  learned 2006, still use; improves my vitamin D, which tends to be low, improves mood and relaxes muscles like a massage.  Works: 60% Down side:  Long term use causes skin cancer

yoga/stretching; learned 1997, last really used 2008; works great for deep aches and relaxing.  Works better when done many times during the day and/or many days in a row.  Works:  50-80% Downside:  Doesn't help with nerve pain and makes acute spasms worse. 

deep breathing/meditation; learned ~1997, still use when I remember; releases tension.  It feels good to breath, and the pain feels better at first.   Sometimes I use colors to help.  Black is color of the painful area of my body.   I try to breath in deep breaths of healing yellow (sunshine), pulling it down to the pain.  And I blow out the black.  Works to get thru short term painful situations, like doctor visits.  Can put me to sleep if the pain is mild/moderate.    It always reduces pain, but doesn't always reduce it enough.  Works: 90%   Downside:  For constant pain that is moderate/severe it won't reduce the pain enough.  Have to remember to do it before pain gets bad enough that I can't make it up and follow it.

Food allergy diet:  learned 2003, stuck to until 2007 (gallbladder attacks):  Discovering and eating for my food allergies was a great experience.  My inflammation pain and many minor health problems disappeared that first year.  It works best when stuck to it 95% of the time.  When I'm on it, and devoted to the work, I feel better.  Works: 70% downside:  It's hard to feed yourself and a family different diets; Cravings suck, it's not convenient for eating anywhere but at home, it's hard to stick to it.   It's overwhelming to stick to it 100%.  When starting back up, it's best to do a stricter cleaning out diet.   Pain will increase for day 3 and 10.  Cravings, Cravings!

Visualization:  learned 1998, still use;  I've created a happy box that exists in the middle of my brain.  Sometimes I just walk around it, but I try to climb in and shut the lid.  Pain doesn't exist there.  It just holds my soul, and good memories, the only things I want to leave this life with.  It's a beautiful, wood, carved box with a lid.  It's soft and warm and light inside.  It's decorated with my favorite things.  I also have a mental beach scene I use.  For this one, I'm always sitting with Kay Suber.  She says all kinds of funny things like, "those silly crabs, they'll walk past us soon."  Those lines come when I'm having a sharp pain, like dental shots.   Makes the pain better while I'm using it, and will last longer if used during sharp pain.  works:  75% of the time; Downside:  Only works while I'm focusing, which sometimes is only 30 minutes.  Longest I've gone is 2 hours.  Some pain that I can't mentally get away from,  and then I can't shut the lid on my box. 

Biofeedback: Tried in 1998, 1999 don't use:  I didn't have luck releasing muscles on command.  I didn't feel nervous with the machines, but I was frustrated that my best attempts didn't work.  Any "tighten and then release" things left me in more pain than I started with.   Worked:  5%, only because the dark room, comfy chair was nice.  Downside:  Didn't work for me with the people who worked with me

****update****

prone therapy:  laying flat in bed or on the couch. Right now I spend 8-10 hours AWAKE laying flat.   Gives excellent relief after driving somewhere.  Works 80%.  Downside, I miss out on life.  Pain always improves, but not always enough to not need drugs or another therapy.   There are not always places to lay flat.

book therapy:  Reading an interesting novel or biography.  The Twilight series especially has been like a drug to me.   Pain goes away when I read it.  Works  90%  Downside:  The book ends, my family doesn't like being ignored.  Pain comes back when I stop reading

wow, if you really read this, I'm either paying you or I should pay you!   Or maybe if you read it, and it helped with your pain, you should pay me :)

So what helps you when you're in pain?  What do you think about while you have a shot? 

Realityfromrachel.blogspot.com

Monday, December 29, 2008

Bar of soap: I hate thee

Oh bar of soap,
I hate thee so!

When thee were new, thou was a gift.
I turned thirty and relished in your magnolia scent.

When our Thanksgiving guests came, I offered them
The fresh, unopened bar that was you.

Then you sat in the shower head basket.
An entire fortnight.

Were you lonely?
Didn't you enjoy watching the kids play in the bath?
Wasn't it fun when the girls drank hot chocolate in there?

But tonight, oh bar of soap, I hate thee.

I found three of my four children covered in thee.
The oldest two had washed off the slickness off their hands
Yet the smell remained. Not-so-sweet-now Magnolia.

Katie's arm was covered to her armpit with you.
I thought I was done after rinsing the sink handles
Seven times seven.
I thought that wiping the mounds of soap with a dry cloth would be enough

But naughty soap, you have deceived me.
I came back a fort-hour later and found you
Covering the outside handle of the bathroom door

But lo, that was not enough for thee.
Also on the bathroom door and and inside handle
I wiped the scum of you, off my dwelling.

Now, you reside in my bathroom.
But be warned bar of soap
If thee causes me a rash
Or if thee spreads soap again
Hence the trashcan will be thy home.

Bar of soap.
I hate thee.

Monday, December 8, 2008

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone....

Ahh, Sun! So bright, So warm...warmer...hot...my face is really hot! Um, I think my lips are burning.

Don't I wish this was my tale about my mini-vaycay (mini-vacation to those of you who don't read seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com . Nope. No sunny beaches. No sun even this weekend. That's part of life in the winter in the Northwest.

Another part of winter in the Northwest in low levels of Vitamin D. It's a chronic problem that western medicine is finally doing enough papers to get people's attention. When Alex was born, 9 years ago, in the winter, they asked if he nursed or breastfed. When Mark, my February Baby, had his last wellchild visit, they asked what we fed him and if we had started supplementing him yet. Yep, adding drops of Vitamin D to his bottle. It's so common, that even our tiny supermarket pharmacy has six different kinds, three different brands of vitamin D.

My personal doctor is ahead of the curve. She's been watching my vitamin D since my first pregnancy. supplements are great, when you actually absorb them. I'm not. So lucky me (this time not sarcastic, really lucky me) I get to tan!

I have doctors orders to tan twice a week to bring my levels up. It's such a hardship to leave the screaming children and the rain (yes, Sarah, I know...if I only brought them out of the rain, they wouldn't scream.) But I will suffer, nay I will sacrifice for the good of my health. (there is the sarcasm, or is it the martyrdom?)

For those of you who haven't ever tanned (not that I'm judging those who actually want their skin darker)...you know how awesome you feel after it. I use a super high bed and get 22 blissful moments of sun. After I feel like I had a light massage and/or had laid on a relaxing beach on a perfect day and/or have been served a great cocktail while I lounged by the pool. Ahhh, bliss.

If any of you have moved from anywhere sunny to Seattle, especially in your first winter, GO TAN!!!! It will be just like normal life (sun damage wise) as a week in Denver. And the tanning high lasts for days. So now, as it is dark and rainy, I don't mind. My lips are burned,my skin is dry, and my mood is bright. :) Of course, the lips would be fine if I would remember any lip balm, and my skin breaks out at the tanning lotions that keep you from getting dry...my that's my bad. My mood makes up for it all.

Sorry, no photos....the photo button doesn't work right now, and I've got dinner and FHE to attend tonight. No more bedblogging for me! Now I'll go and have another Pina colada.....