How are you doing?
Why are you lying down?
How are you feeling?
What are you up to?
Boy, I hear it all the time. From people who live in my house. To friends and neighbors. From people at church. And old friends from high school and college that I'm getting back in touch with on facebook.
How do I answer? Well, the last 18 months sucked. And were complicated by several different things
trouble getting pregnant
trouble staying pregnant
trouble keeping food down
trouble with gallbladder (+pain)
trouble with thombosed hemorrhoids (++pain) (TIM, I know, but the surgery to remove.... *shudder*
trouble with varicose veins (+pain)
trouble losing weight (they hate that when you are pregnant)
trouble starting labor (induced a week late)
trouble with the epidural (+++++pain)
trouble with back(+pain)
trouble with hormones
trouble with thyroid
trouble with gallbladder surgery(+pain)
trouble with fissure surgery(+++pain)
trouble with healing (++++pain)
trouble with back(++++pain)
trouble with back injections(++++pain)
trouble with back tests with injections (++++++++++++pain)
trouble with back surgery(+++pain)
trouble with continued foot pain (++++pain)
trouble with new, oversensitive foot (++++++++pain)
trouble with pelvic floor pain (++++++pain)
trouble with hormones, again
trouble with tooth (+pain)
trouble with root canal (++++++pain)
trouble with temporary crown (++++++pain)
trouble with test to diagnose the foot pain (+++++++++pain)
trouble trying to be a mom and wife and friend from bed.
trouble to keep my mind, my faith, my soul intact.
So when I pause when you ask, "how are you?"
It's not because I don't like the question. . It's because I just don't know how to answer. I'm glad to be asked, glad to be remembered. But, I'm not going to lie and say, " good". And I'm not going to fake optimism and say, "doing better." Mom, don't worry. I'm not always so negative. When I have a good day, I'm very happy and answer "I'm having a good day, and I'm happy for it".
I kind of like something that came to me when I was "facebook-ing" a high school friend....
How I'm feeling is a hard question to answer. It's complicated. I'm doing better than my worst, but haven't improved in a few months, and I'm far away from my best. And I'm trying to find a doctor or doctors who can tell me why and what I can do to get back to life. even if they just say, sorry, go to a pain management class. someday I'll post what all has happened, but it's to depressing to recount. Short answer: Baby #4 broke me.
Keep asking. Keep letting me know you are reading and praying for us. Keep being patient as I try to figure out how to answer the question. At least until 2011. That's going to be my great year. The year I'm healthy for 12 whole months. Or atleast the year my health doesn't stop me from living.
Why do you have to wait until 2011 for a good year? Do you have something planned for 2010? Like surgery?
ReplyDeleteDon't have anything planned...but just incase I'm not feeling great in january 2010, I didn't want to throw my year off.
ReplyDelete