Okay. I haven't really posted in a week. It just seems like that because of the cool "publish later" function on the blog. That way I don't overwhelm my few readers when I have lots to say.
And now, I have nothing to say. Because if I say it, I have to think it. And if I think it, I will have to realize it. I don't want to realize that my life sucks right now.
RULES: Don't tell me its normal to feel this way. This doesn't make me feel better. Don't tell me, "At least you..... "
Yes, lovely that I have kids. And a husband. And a job. And health insurance. Praise God it's not worse.
But can't I be like you? Have a house and a kid and better health? I can't I have hope of getting better or better diagnosis to manage the stuff I do have? Can't I even have a diagnosis (or three) so I can know what helps and what hurts? And find a support group? (or three). For me, for Grant. They say kids are resilient. But chronic health can kill a marriage. If it doesn't kill the spouse first.
Or can't I be like Deb W? Can't I have the inner strength, the understanding, the peace from God that I'm okay with my life now? That having the pain but staying alive with my kids is worth it? And since I don't have that, can't I have Deb here to talk to and remind me and teach me? I miss her. A lot.
I need a Deb. Or a Sarah or two will do. Or a testimony.
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I'm sorry you're in such a stinky place. :( You asked me one night what you were doing wrong that I could laugh about my health and you can't. Uhhhh ... nothing. I don't laugh about it all the time. Like when I'm puking. Or when I'm at the Olive Garden and I get sick in the middle of dinner and I'm in the bathroom and the Olive Garden worker decides it's the perfect time to come in and clean the place and I just want her to go away so I can make embarrassing sounds in private. But then I praise her for flushing a toilet, giving me that opportune moment.
ReplyDeleteOk, now it's funny. My friend had a total "blow-out" at the side of the road and she was laughing about it an hour later. I couldn't believe it. She said she was wearing a jean skirt and here she was puking/soiling herself on the side of I-5, having to sit on her husband's sweater afterwards and enjoy another hour ride home. I so would not have been laughing about that one. But I have a good laugh thinking of it happening to her and not me! BWAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
I have another story for you. I'll have to tell you about it later. Don't think I told you before. Remind me to tell you the "cheerful" story. I forgot how that has affected me not only back then, but over 10 years later. Didn't realize that would happen.