Hostile takeover has been explained...I hope

I realize that by posting this, I will tick of some family readers who hate when I talk about my health. Don't worry, read to the end for a happy finish (non medical)

But there are others out there who are also stuck in a cycle of illness. I've learned from their writings. Maybe I can help another...

So I'm tired. REALLY TIRED. So tired that when I try to wake up, I feel like I'm underwater. It takes me a while to get my voice and limbs working.

My brain has been hijacked. Thoughts I have now that seem normal and rational, I can safely assume I will think better of. Like my plans to suffer thru just one more year of pain. I know, my husband knows, my doctors are all on board and up to date. This is Emily's facial representation of my brain

(Really it's her new favorite silly face to make. She's really practiced it well in the mirror, great eye crossing! )

I was relieved to find out Monday that my progesterone, estrogen, vitamin D and Iron are very low again. YES! I know I'm crazy, but now I have a reason for the recent hostile takeover!

So I'm back on progesterone. 100mg, at bedtime, and it's freshly compounded (not synthetic or old from a normal pharmacy). I thought I was free of it, that I was healthy enough to trust my body to make it's own hormones. Guess not. Not yet, anyway.

And now I wait. As my shrink says, just let momentum happen right now. The days will go by, and I will slowly, slowly get my brain back. My family waits. Especially my husband, who is the only one I share all my thoughts with. Of course, he's the only one in bed with me at 1am to listen to those thoughts. Nighttime is the worst. The scriptures about Christ as the light of the world are more meaningful to me now. Now, as the northwest has the long, dark days and nights. Now as my brain tries to function on bad blood and bad food (i know, i know, I'm going to try to eat more than chocolate all day and a normal dinner).

I try to pass the time well...like posting, reading, doing paperwork to get insurance and FSA to pay us for doctor stuff. Oh, and shopping. I finally went to the local thrift store and got some jeans. My size 12-14 jeans can slip off. I was thrilled to fit comfortably into a size 10. I haven't been a size 10 since....I was in my first trimester with Alex. The size 6-8 I was when I got married/graduated will never return. But I can be happy with a 10. As long as it lasts. 144. Wow. I haven't seen that number on the scale this decade. That's only 15 pounds heavier that the day I got married. That's less than I wrote on my drivers license, which I lied on.

It would be more glorious if so much pain wasn't involved in getting there. Diet vs pain???? Hmmmm, pain has pain killers. Diet and hunger, been there, done that....I think I'll take the pain. And the skinny.

Ignore the tired face...trying on the new top with blue skirt....

This photo is a top that I ended up returning. LOVED IT, but it fit perfectly, and it had never been washed (100% cotton) and I don't want to be upset when I gain some weight and can't fit it. Or worse, wear it when I gain weight and I really shouldn't wear it.

Grant was putting the kids to bed, so I took this one....size 10 jeans! with top I returned...so said. I loved the pattern!

NON MEDICAL ENDING

PS....if anyone can get Grandma Spencer to read this...Here is where I installed the artwork I was so privileged to acquire at her estate sale. Right over my piano. The same piano that I FINALLY cleaned off last week. It was covered with a decade of home videos (now mostly converted to DVD) and 5 years of tax documents from our FINALLY finished Audit. Yep, nothing like an IRS audit, delivered two weeks before your fourth pregnancy from HELL was to end. Oh wait, since it was such a horrible pregnancy, nothing like at IRS audit to finish off 40 horrible weeks with a bang. Baby Mark (Who was born a week late on top of it) was crawling before we got the paperwork error (their part) fixed. And now with Mark almost walking, we've finally put away the paperwork. Ahh.....pretty photo, clean house, happy kids....

Do you remember what to notice in the above photo?

Brass Artwork

Clean piano

LACK of tax papers and VCR tapes

Organized music

Finished Christmas tree

Fruit loop tree garland craft project that Grant planned, bought and executed alone

Gate that we only bought for baby 4 to protect tree

Katelyn with a Clementine orange sticker on her head from breakfast. So Bollywood

Oh, and also Grandma Spencer's couch that is slightly younger than me. And still in great shape. But that's another post for another day...and I've already rambled long enough on this one.....besides, IT'S TANNING DAY!