TTT, tail of the toliet paper and the tooth

Dear Children,

Two of you are potty trained. And you have been for many years. You are 9 and 7 years old.
After you use the bathroom, toilet paper is commonly used.
Imagine my surprise when I used your bathroom (also the only guest bathroom) and I found this....


Sorry it's on it's side, the computer won't take my fix. Just tilt your head, children. Do you see it? Do you? Nope, it's not the open toilet lid (Mark can crawl now, shut it!) And it's not the fact that neither of you have flushed. Look at the handy, built in toilet paper roll holder. Yes, toilet paper is so commonly used that EVERY modern bathroom has one. Look closely at ours. Do you notice that it is brown children? That is the sign that their is no more toilet paper. It's very clever that the paper manufacturers make the roll a different color. It's easy to tell when one takes the last of the toilet paper.
BROWN ROLL=PUT ON NEW ROLL.

Neither of you will fess up to being the last one. But I heard you both use the bathroom before you went to bed tonight. After I got you to bed, I had to use your bathroom. UGGG, was I frustrated to find an open, used toilet. AND NO TOILET PAPER. So I open the bathroom cabinet. Did you know we have one? It's right under the sink. And it had about 10 rolls of toilet paper. And something else, a surprise that popped out at me....

DEAR, Dear, dear children....this is NOT the way to clean up one of the babies toilet paper messes. This is not a way to hide your playtime with a roll. Your mother is very tired lately. I did not clean it up. I felt bad for any guests who might use our bathroom, so I did put on a new roll of toilet paper....


Look how nice and neat that looks! All ready to use! But children, am I done yet? Nope! I still need to do something, can you guess what? Think hard.....

YES! Throw away the old, empty roll. This is trash, or even can be recycled. It's not a trumpet. It's not a toy. It is not a soccer ball. It is not even a carpet, which I must remind you since I usually find it on the floor.

I thought the story would end there. But as I wrote this post, Emily yelled out. "My tooth! It's really wiggly. Really,really wiggly." You Dad, Grant, was with me. I was resting my tired back at the end of a long day. "It's your turn, you help her. She's had that wiggly tooth for months. She's too freaked out to actually let it go." It's true, if you look closely at the family photos, the tooth on the right of her front teeth actually sticks straight out. This is due to being wiggled lose, then not finished off. As Grant goes to help Emily, these dreaded words are heard, "Hurry, I taste blood!". Your dad comes back to me. He doesn't do blood. He doesn't even talk about blood. He can't look at my arm for days after a blood draw. He can't do teeth, because of the blood. I've always helped with each tooth, even the last bloody pull if I needed it. And we couldn't show Daddy the tooth, because he would feel faint.

But today, mommy was finally resting. So I told Dad to be a Dad (or Man) and do something quick before you got blood on your sheets and blanket. BLANKET! She's got the $300 PTA class auction blanket on her bed. GO, GRANT, GO! So he grabbed a chunk of the fluffy toilet paper under the sink. He handed it to Emily and left the room. Look, he didn't faint!

During all this discussion from our bedroom, Emily's tooth finally came out. She successfully collected all the blood on the toilet paper ball. No children, I didn't take a photo of that. I didn't' want your Dad to refuse to read the blog because of the possibility of blood. So here is thrilled Emily with her lost tooth #8

Exciting, exciting! Of course, this means getting the tooth fairy kit out and texting the tooth fairy to bring 50 cents.....

Next morning, the tooth fairy "dropped" the tooth bag while Emily was woken up for school. Emily couldn't find the bag in bed. Mommy ran away while the kids ate breakfast. Then she helped Emily look. Emily found that the bag had dropped into the clothes hamper next to the bed. Wow, the tooth fairy must have visited us last. She left a quarter, a dime, five pennies and one dime looking thing. Oops, it was a Korean coin. (Have I mentioned yet that Dad served his mission in Korea?) . Emily was thrilled to think that some Korean kid got her American dime while she had his Korean one.

And that my children, is why we replace the toilet paper roll all the time. And don't play with you never know when you might need some toilet paper!

Love,

Your mom