Feel like a caged animal: Feed me!

6 days post surgery:

This is the white ice pack under my purple-skirted-behind

 

This is the satin silver pillow case that holds my weary head in comfort.

This is the silver remote that connects me to recorded and internet TV while I snuggle under the quilt my grandma made for my wedding (Thanks Babi!)

 

This is the baby gate/cage that I borrowed from the Dog.  It now safely surrounds me so that no child or animal can injure me.   It took 5 surgeries to discover this, and I wish we had found it sooner. 

 

This is the living room where my family can gather with me.  We can watch TV nearly together.  I can watch them play outside.  We can eat close enough to hear slurps.  Yet I am safe, my body knows it and it relaxes.  I might just make it thru recovery #5 after all. 

Now that my body is safely guarded behind a tall gate, it might just start healing.  Can my prayers just be answered about  my brain?  I just need a safe, sure place for my mind to rest, so that I can trust it’s safety.  I really, really want to heal in one piece. 

If this was just a pregnancy, I know I would recover from the labor.  Even a surprise surgery or two.  But five?  Five surgeries.  Countess procedures and tests.   Permanent pain.  So many doctor referrals that I can’t recall all the names.   I’m lost.  I’m lost in the pain.  And I can’t remember the plan.  So I lean to Grant to remind me of why we are doing this. 

Um, I forgot already.  Why am I doing this?