Best part so far was my early birthday present [Cue music in your head of Celine Dion, “I drove all night”}
Stina. Or Christina to those outside the family. When I started to fall apart from the pain (and the pain killers) from surgery last week, she called. {Oh God, was it really last week? Why did I do it?} Then she thought about our various family member’s situations. And she thought how someone needed to hug and help me. And she thought, why not me? So she came. She borrowed a car to borrow a car. And she drove all night. 12 hours. And she’s here. And she’s hugging me. And she’s crying with me as I give birth. (That’s what it feels like every time I go to the bathroom. Colon/Rectal surgery is hell) And she’s happy with me as I have a happy moment smelling neighbors roses, or sneaking into friend’s empty houses. Laughing together is great.
Another post: Reasons why 30 sucked
Another post: Reasons why 30 was worth it
Another post: How surgery really went, no sugar coating with cute, pain free posts.
Another post: My limited pain options of living the life I’ve been dealt
So happy birthday to me. The only gift I want is to not have pain. Just one day. Please? Please?
For the first time in 10 years, I will have no birthday romancing. The doctors say no. No new birthday frills to wear.
No birthday plans either. No cake. No restaurants. No ideas. No plans. I already got my gift (twin ticket to Wicked with Emily’s birthday)
I don’t even want a birthday. I don’t want to be 31. I wanted to leave bad health behind in 30. And it won’t leave, so I won’t turn 31.
So I was having all those thoughts when Guy called. Yes, his name is Guy. He’s my sister’s Guy. And talked to him about his childhood trip to Seattle made me want to show my town to Stina. So we jumped in the car, and drove to Alki Beach.
Great views of the city. So many people. Fun, rocking docks.
As my eyes held the beauty of Seattle at night, my heart softened. An hour before my birthday, I felt okay to have it. The warm lights of the town that has been the place of 10 years of good memories….those lights reminded me that I can have a good year when I’m not sure if I will ever be patched up. That moments of beautiful skylines, sand on my toes, thoughts of butterfly kisses from my kids (who have never forgotten me)
(Photo: my 4 kids in front of balloons that I wish were mine)I’m ready to embrace 31. A birthday with no plans. Followed by a year with no plans. This is really frightening to me. But better than my last year.
Happy Birthday, Rachel. You are still alive. And still able enough to blog about it.
Happy Birthday! So glad your sister is there with you. :-D
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