This is to Stina, my single sister at BYU. She and her single friends made it thru get another Valentines Day. So I'm starting a list, to make them feel better.
1. Your toliet cleaning brush is safe. Unlike ours that Mark has a crush on.
2. You can sleep in on Saturdays and Sundays.
3. You don't have to wet your pants in bed when your child opens your eyelid and asks if you are awake. This is not a pleasant way to leave REM sleep. (Grant thanks Emily for this knowledge)
4. If you see a baby eat a diaper that has poop in it, you can think, "what kind of mother" as you vomit. Instead of being the mother. I wonder how many others this has happened to when you have two in diapers. Baby 2 was interested in toddler 1's messy diaper. I thought noses and smells would protect them. But from Mark licking in #1, that smell aversion is broken in him.
5. You never fight over which parent had the worst day. The quint-crown being the tie breaker: Having nose discharge, bladder discharge, colon discharge, vein discharge and stomach discharge put on you within the shorter time span.
6. You don't have to constantly thumb wrestle to get anything typed
7. If you don't want to look at the snow leopards at the zoo, you keep on walking.
8. No one tells you to parent your children better in a public place. (Thanks Alex, for your special behavior at Ross in 2003)
9. No one talks to you about the state of your uterus. (So, Jane, thinking about having another one yet? Sarah, um, don't you think you're done now that you have four? Who get to go in for the surgery?)
10. If your cart is full of mostly frozen foods, on a hot day, and you're in a long check out line.....if your bladder lets you know it would like to go potty, you can tell it to wait. And your car seats will stay dry!
11. A hot date doesn't mean taking a child to the ER and finally having a moment alone while tests are ran.
12. You don't have to have your heart broken when the toothfairy or Santa forgot your house. Or worse, your kids see the toothfairy or Santa.
13. If your coworker thinks you have a fever, you don't have to pull down your pants to get it measured.
14. If your a good Mormon and single, you don't have to worry that you're pregnant when your period is late. Or you get the flu.
15. You don't have to find a sitter in another state when invited to a wedding or party that is "adults only".
16. You don't have to do a "body fluids" load of laundry once a week.
17. You have the newest movie script or song lyrics memorized. Instead of 20 animal names and sounds for "Old MacDonald"
18. You never have to Google, "7 year old bead in nose what to do"
19. You never have to share a bathroom stall with another person
20. You never feel a childs hair on your backside, as they yell, "Push, Mommy, push". Darn huge bathrooms at the home depot.
21. You never have to cry as you debate between filling the dishwasher or taking a nap while your baby is finally asleep.
This is a work in progress. Look back for updates. Or in the comment section. Help my Junior at BYU sister. The last decent guy she was with said, "Umm, I'm waiting for a missionary, so I can't get serious with you."
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ReplyDeleteThat was like poetry.
ReplyDeleteThat really made me laugh. It's all so true. Funny, our little guy loves the toilet plunger. What's the deal?
ReplyDelete#12 - Our family has learned that the Tooth Fairy has a sense of humor! If she forgets to leave the looked for dollar in the designated spot, she sometimes leaves it under Dad's pillow! Also, Santa, it has been discovered, sometimes delivers early and hides things under Mom and Dad's bed. Mom and Dad are the secret Santa helpers that distribute his gifts. Shhhhh! Don't tell!
ReplyDelete