A hands width

This is my little man, just taken. I was resting on my bed. Weary from my errands, I had to rest my pain away. Pondering what Kates therapist said...this TIME has damaged more than me. I think I will always call it this TIME.

Every little body in this house was left hurt. Kate was at a major developmental stage, and it has left her with neurological issues. She and mark missed out much on the important closeness needed to help them self calm. Yes, we had help. But seeing kate now just shows it wasn't enough.

So I'm pondering how this could happen, how the physical hell I suffered would leave my children permanently altered. With work, it would become more acceptable.


Work

I'm overwhelmed with my own mountain of work to become my new normal. Now I get to add to it my children's work. And we let the nanny go in january.

I made these thoughts stop by opening my laptop. Others problems make no room for mine.

Then mark climbs up on my bed. He is calmer than normal. I enjoyed rubbing his back as I got lost in blogs.

Then the words of Kates teacher echo..the missed touch and attention

I slammed the laptop shut (sorry grant!) and looked at my little guy. I rubbed his back with purpose.

It was then that I realized than his back's width was less than my hands width. Looking at my hands, the smallest part of me. And his back was smaller. His perfect little body, so tiny.

All these thoughts let to this photo. Which led to this post because I didn't want to forget that his back was less than my hand when I started to get better.


This photo is from my bed, with the bed light shunning right up his face. Love what it managed to capture.


Now that little man is throwing dvds off My bed so no time to spell check!!!



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