what if you knew you had an invisible illness?
what if no one believe the doctors you saw, the tests you had, the medical choices you made, the pain you had?
what if they thought you were faking it, and faking it to get attention and drugs?
Grant says "You're paranoid, you shouldn't assume other people's thoughts."
Close friends say, "why would it matter? don't let other people tell you how your life is"
Doctors say, "Why do you care? You really are going to let uneducated people make your medical choices?"But what if you found out you were right?
What if you found out that people really had been talking those bad things? What if you found out that of all the kind things people had said to you, that some of those same people were talking about your fake attempt for attention and drugs?
Could you leave your house, knowing that most people you talked to thought you were faking it? Would you continue to be vulnerable, going to church and talking to neighbors?
What if it wasn't what if anymore?
How can I even open my door, or my mouth anymore?
Heck with it. You can please some of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you lived your entire life trying to please every single person you would never have time for you and your family.
what?!! you've been faking this whole time?!!
ReplyDeleteI try not to be a people pleaser. I'm just shocked that it's really believed that I'm faking how bad it is.
ReplyDeleteIt's one thing not to please people in the way you dress, or house your house is. But after 2 years of hell, my heart is ripping to realize that facts this huge are considered fake.
2 years that have destroyed me, and I'm making it up to get attention.
I know that all people question the intensity of my pain, but to question it's exsistance?
Heart ripping.
Wow. How did you get those doctors to go along with your act, pretending you were hospitalized and had just had surgery? How did you fake a prolapsed rectum? That's amazing! You mean when I drove you to those doctor appointments, those offices weren't real? : O
ReplyDeleteignorant and uneducated- move on. They can't relate so they don't believe it. They are false, not you. I agree with Sarah- faking a prolapsed rectum would be quite a feat!
ReplyDeleteFor some people, it is so far beyond their sphere of existence that they can't relate, and can easily dismiss it as being real. Kind of like my 6 year old. We were in the van one day and my 6 yr old and my 9 yr old were REALLY going at it in the van. I almost pulled over to intervene. At one point, we were crossing a bridge and I thought, "Holy cow! A moment of distraction and we could be off this bridge!" I was sooo ticked at these two for not settling down when I tried to tell them they were "distracting the driver" (my usual reminder to BE SAFE!!!) We get home and I corner the 9 yr old and explain my worries about driving across the bridge. I tell her, "How would you feel if your brother had to die because you couldn't stop fighting with your sister in the van and we crashed???" She didn't like the lecture, but I could see she "got it" So I repeat the lecture with my 6 yr. old. You know what she did? She laughed! "He He Hee!!! What would that be like?" She totally didn't take it seriously. How could she? Death is so far beyond her world of understanding that it all seemed like a funny joke to imagine.
ReplyDeleteThough they may look like "grown-ups" I'm sure you are finding that some people are still behaving like my 6 yr. old....they just don't get it. How could they? Something like this has never touched their life. That doesn't change your reality, but you can at least see that people like these "grown-ups" will not be able to understand.
Whoever thinks you are faking any illnesses or medical conditions is inconsiderate and oblivious of the pain you have gone through. Enough said. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteBefore you let this hurt you or your friendships, I would consider the source of the information. Perhaps there's an agenda there?
ReplyDeleteI faked having four children for attention. It was awesome.
ReplyDeleteThank you all. I didn't want this to seem like begging for a compliment. I'm glad to see so many people have kinder thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAnon #1: This isn't about pleasing other people. I'd don't see approval, just the benefit of doubt. I doubt they are educated in my problems. They doubt I'm really in that much pain
Amy: I just faked it for the flowers. Thanks!
Sarah: I'll tell you how to fake a prolasp if you want surgery too. First you must have a colonoscopy
D: Thank you. Could you sit next to me at church?
Liza: Thank you for reminding me that even people who are trying can't comprehend it. Why would I expect more of those who don't try?
Caroline: Aw, didn' t know you read! Happy new baby! Takes on to know one, and I'm sad that your pain makes you an authority on this.
Anon #2: Yes there is an agenda for today's person. But this is not the first time I've heard it within different circles.
Sarah: We all know you get fake getting pregnant to get out of playing the piano.
Been there. Not for as long as you've had to endure, but long enough that I understand the comments and the stares. People truly just don't understand. They mean well!! But we live in a society where we're used to having a quick fix for a tangible problem, and uncertainties and abstract issues make us nervous. If don't know how to quantify it, we don't know how to prepare for it.
ReplyDeleteI know it's a scary place. When doctors don't know what to tell you, when you go to bed not sure how you'll wake up the next morning, when the medications you're on take care of one problem but cause others, when you're truly not sure if you'll ever be well again or if you'll even live through the next few days, it's a very scary, lonely place. I was there. I'm sorry you've been there so long.
People shouldn't judge, but they do because they simply don't understand. It doesn't make it right, but try to forgive as you can, if only to take the burden of feeling so much anger and fear off your own shoulders for a while. <3 And remember that there is One who will always love you, and always understand.